Why Am I Here?

Once upon a time I was so very sure of my purpose in this world. I knew I was where God wanted me to be, and I was doing what He had called me to do.....

And then, in the blink of an eye, my world changed...years had passed...I was older...I was living in a different place...I was no longer employed by the ministry that was so fulfilling to me...I woke up as a senior citizen, retired, not married, no longer totally independent, and not working.

It was/is like time just stopped and I am frozen in a spot that I cannot seem to move from. Limbo...not quite belonging anywhere anymore.

I am 69 years young. I live with my youngest daughter...and sometimes with my oldest daughter...limbo.

Some days I feel so lost...like a particle floating that has nothing solid to attach to...no close friends who live near enough to visit...not a part of an active, thriving local church. How do I exist in this place? Have you ever been in this place?

Yet...God. He is in this place. At that sentence I release a long breath of relief. I could not live in limbo without Him. You see, He trained me well. My past job required that I immerse myself in scripture searching for answers for women struggling to break free of addiction and begin a new life. I wrote copious notes that I transcribed into computer documents....I created study guides specific to issues different ladies were dealing with....how to find peace...how to find joy...and HOW TO DEFINE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCE instead of letting your circumstance define you.

And I kept copies of everything I created and every hand-out I used in classes and every workbook we used. BECAUSE...addiction is no different from any unhealthy place we find ourselves in. No matter what brings us to a place of discontent and needing to change, the answer is always the same....God. 

And I don't mean that in the churchy, Sunday school way. I mean getting involved personally with the One who created us. Searching the scriptures for answers, and listening...yes listening, to hear the Still Small Voice...because when we LISTEN, God will speak...and when God speaks you will want to run to Him to hear more. And when you start running to God, everything that you wanted to leave behind just falls to the wayside like weeds dying out in the winter. The old life is DEAD, the new life is calling and it is full of encounters with Father - OUR Father.

So, as I sit here today and ask again "Why am I here?" "What is my purpose?" "How do I break free of this 'limbo'?".....I have just given myself the answer. It's the answer that I knew all along but had somehow forgotten...

The answer is to immerse myself in the Word, look for His voice, and most of all....BE STILL and listen for the Still Small Voice...and when He speaks (and He will), I will run to Him and He will (always has) propel me towards the Plan (there is still a plan for me)...He will stir up excitement and joy..and this limbo will fall away....and He will show me the next step. In the past, I learned that when I did this - small delights showed up - Father would give me something that I wanted and maybe had not even ASKED for...the desires of your heart start to appear and there are jewels along the path....

Age is just a number. I dislike that cliche BUT it is true. It IS just a number and guess who isn't counting? God....because God knows we are eternal (even if we forget - He doesn't) so this year in my life is no different to Him than any other...His plan for me and you hasn't changed.

I don't know how to wrap this up other than to say, I needed this today.

Godspeed!