Depressed

I was.

I had everything. By the worlds standards mine had been a Cinderella story and I was now living in the castle. 

I had been alone, a struggling mother of two teenage daughters, driving a beat-up $300.00 car that was on it's last leg and living in a "borrowed" mobile home. Then, everything changed. I met my prince and he rescued me, he really did. We were in love 💕......

Not long after the prince came, we moved to another state (a promotion for him) to begin a new life together. We bought a house on 5 wooded acres, which was paradise for me and very close to my "dream" home. I got a new-for-me car, started a job that I loved with a small law firm, and for the first time in many, many, many years I was able to shop, not just for food and essentials, but for clothes and make-up and decorative items for our home. My girls were finishing school and would be coming to live with us soon. I had everything that I had ever wanted, and then some......(So what happened...🤔) 

The prince had been raised Catholic, but was not practicing. I grew up in a small Baptist church, beginning my walk with God at the age of 14. I was an excited youth for Christ but as the years passed and life events happened, I grew cold and eventually I turned my back on God. As my Cinderella story unfolded and came to life, we began to have many long talks about God and how we both longed to re-establish a relationship with Him.

We found a church that we both liked. A small, Southern Baptist church in the country with a wonderful Pastor (our age) and wonderful people. They embraced us and welcomed us into the fold. We became involved in church activities.....(So why did I become depressed...🤔😞)

I was depressed. I said I didn't know why...but inside, I think I did....

I sought out a Christian counselor/psychologist and was able to find one that I really liked. I spent a lot of time with her and we dissected my life...growing up as a child of an alcoholic parent, etc... but no flash of insight came.

Here's what was wrong: The prince and I were living in sin. We had not yet gotten married...because...we were waiting on his divorce to finalize. Yep, I had been rescued and my life had been radically changed -- I no longer had to stress over bills -- I no longer had to shop from a very short grocery list...I was driving a nice car...I had a nice house...I shopped for clothes whenever I wanted...we vacationed at Hilton Head Island...we had mini-vacations to Myrtle Beach...but we were NOT married. Not at that point. We later married, and my depression went away eventually - but that is NOT the point of my story....(I can't tell a short story).

Here's the point guys: When we become BORN AGAIN, we are born of incorruptible seed -- we receive God's DNA. What was once "natural" for us, becomes "un-natural" if it goes against the Word of our Lord. My God DNA was incompatible with a life of "living in sin." I could NOT be at peace and have the Joy of the Lord while living against what my heart KNEW was not right in His eyes. This is what JOHN was talking about in 1 John 3:9, which says:

"No one who is born of God practices sin, because His seed abides in him; and he cannot sin, because he is born of God."

Can we practice acts of sin in our fleshly bodies? Of course we can! We have that total free will. But....can we continue to practice sin and be at peace? No. No we can't. We can dumb-down our senses to the point that we enjoy sin for a season, but if we have the incorruptible seed of God in us, eventually we are going to find ourselves absolutely miserable. And depressed.

So, what I am saying to you in this message/blog is this...Actually, I am asking you: Are you experiencing depression in your life that is NOT caused by anything you can put your finger on? If so, I am inviting you to create a spiritual map in your mind. Start with how you are feeling and trace backwards to the people and events that are going on in your life. Are there any "red flag" areas that pop up? Things that you have in your life that you KNOW goes against God's laws? And I'm not just talking about the 10 commandments here - I'm talking about all of the teachings by the apostles and Jesus......IS there a THING in your life that should not be there? A person, a relationship, a false idol (which can be anything of value to you)?

Keep digging...if there isn't a THING you can pinpoint (but I imagine that there is), then ask yourself if you have given God a place of honor in your life. Do you devote conversation time to him? Do you talk over the things that you are dealing with, with Him? Do you have have Coffee with Jesus? Just think on these things...

I believe that The Holy Spirit will reveal things to you if you simply follow the steps I listed above. ASK HIM to show you the root of your depression. Take a pen and paper and write down what He shows you - and he WILL show you. Then....dig out that root and destroy it. Give it to God. If it is something as black and white as my relationship was - then fix it. Let God guide you...He will tell you what you need to do, he really will.

When I was in the Christian counseling, after un-earthing every possible thing in my childhood, we finally came to the crux of the matter. The counselor told me what I already knew...I was living against God's will, and I had to fix it if I wanted to. be free of the dark cloud that covered me. And I did.

Depression is a terrible place to dwell, and we don't have to live there. My prayer for you today is that you search and find....and heal.  Amen.

 Faith that Manifests...

When I began this blog in 2010-2011 (? not quite sure), I was living on-site and working for a faith based recovery center for addicts and alcoholics. My life was "alive" with possibilities. I absolutely loved my job and as time went on I moved into a little bungalow that could not have been more perfect if I had custom ordered it and I became more involved on the "recovery" side of our ministry. I taught classes and counseled women in recovery - directing them towards one goal - a deep and meaningful relationship with our Father.Life was good. Life was wonderful. But life has a way of changing things around on us....

In 2015 I retired and moved to a different part of the state to be near my children and grandchildren. I had great plans.....and you know how that goes.....

I laid down the background to bring you to where I am today, so that together you and I might figure out what my life will become.

Today, I am an unemployed "mature" female, who calls herself an "Artist and Writer." I am totally dependent on my daughters for a place to live and for a chunk of financial support.

My life is not where I want it to be.

I had 6 years of struggle. In the pit. My relationship with Father diminished and my problems increased. I dealt with physical pain, mental "breakdowns" and spiritual deafness.

Until I said, "no more" and meant it. I climbed out of the pit and I am standing, looking out over the vastness of what lies beyond. I have wants and desires for my life that I know God has already taken care of and put them in that place that must be accessed, in fact can ONLY be accessed - by FAITH. Whew!

I desire independence. To be in a position of not having to depend on others to support me, or provide shelter for me. I desire to be successful in my art and writing career. 

The Bible tells me that God wants to give me the desires of my heart (if they line up with his Word). His Word tells me that I am the head, and not the tail. His word tells me that he will provide for me according to his riches in glory. His Word is filled with all kinds of promises, and his promises are always, 'yes, and Amen,' meaning - they are MINE, and YOURS, not just Abrahams and Davids and whoever else we can name from scripture. His Word tells me that I can (must) speak to the mountain and it will move.

Are you with me? Are you following? My desires already exist because they are the SUBSTANCE of faith. It is up to ME to move the mountain and bring into my life the EVIDENCE. Jesus didn't tell the disciples to ask the Father to move the mountain, he told THEM to SPEAK TO THE MOUNTAIN and it would move.

So...this is where I stand today. I am looking at this mountain..... It is an independent life, and a successful art and writing career. That is my mountain. That is what God has given me...all I have to do is bring it to life by faith!

How simple it sounds!! How HARD it is to live!!

I have vowed to picture myself already there. I speak and say that I am financially independent and I am a successful Artist and Writer. Do I need to clarify success? I have no desire to be wealthy, I only desire to be in the position that God created me to be at this point in my journey - and that, is success.

I picture myself having already attained these things. I will imagine that to be my station in life until it becomes my reality.

Can I do this? My faith, will it become alive and active? I absolutely MUST believe that I can, and it will.

I am inviting y'all (yep, y'all) to come along with me and see. Follow my life as it unfolds. I am as Abraham who introduced himself as the father of many nations - even before he ever had a child....I am introducing myself as Vickie, successful Artist and Writer.

Let the journey begin....

 And Then...

Pink Floyd had a song called "Time" with these lyrics:

"And then one day you find ten years have got behind you...."

And THIS, my friend, is where I find myself today in the blogging world! I have been absent for 10 years, more or less...and Oh! what a journey it has been.

I will not lie. From the mountain top... to the pit. In the pit, pulling debris on top op me, repeating past mistakes, using past "fixes" which amounted to nothing but debris which covered me up and weighed me down even further in the pit.

Yes, me...the one who writes of "joy" and "victory" and having the Enemy "under my feet." That one, that Me.

What happened?

My story isn't important (but I will share if requested). What IS important is that I found myself defining myself by 2 Samuel 1:27 "How the mighty have fallen. And the weapons of war perished!"

Yep....that was me.....

Notice, that above I said "I defined myself." because therein lyes a very important key. How we define ourselves, is how we will live. "Our actions will always reflect what we believe to be true about ourselves, even if what we believe is a lie." (Mark Winslett). I wallowed in a pit because I saw myself as "fallen." I didn't think I knew how to get up again....

But guess what? I know what Father says about me. So many things....I was born again of "incorruptible seed."....I am the righteousness of God in Christ....I am a child of the Most High God....No weapon formed against me will prosper...I have the Holy Spirit living in me and the same power that raised Jesus from the dead! (I can provide scripture for all of this).

I COULD NOT remain in the pit. I was not created for the pit. The DNA that came with the incorruptible seed is comparable to "pit-living."

I climbed out. And friends, I am here to tell you that it was a long, hard climb. It has taken me nearly 10 years to climb out. (Actually 7 years, but it felt like 10!!!)

You know, Joseph found himself in a pit (Genesis 37). His brothers put him there...hmmm...can family put family in a PIT? Oh, absolutely. My family did not put me in my pit, but I dug that pit by putting the cares and difficulties of family "drama" first, instead of...GOD FIRST....

Family matters, physical pain and POOR CHOICES...disobedience....that dug my pit. (well, I dug. my pit, but those things provided the digging tools). Again....it's not the details of my pit that are important.

What is of MAJOR IMPORTANCE is that no matter how deep we find ourselves in a hole, or how far we have fallen, God's arm is not shortened and He always, always, always hears our cries of distress. And no matter how much shame we have reaped upon our heads, or how many times we chose a "Thou shalt not" over the will of Father - He STILL wants to put the ring on our finger and the robe on our shoulders!!!!!

Can you shout that to the heavens? Can you? I can, because my Father extended His hand and I took it and climbed out of the pit!!! 

Joy is flooding my soul as I write this because it is my new reality...it is how I now define myself....daughter of the King and possessor of the KINGDOM. That is the reality in which I choose to define my life today. And if I believe this to be TRUE (and it is), then my life will reflect what I believe!

Are you in a pit? Darlin' don't stay there....you don't have to live there anymore...

Come back home. Jesus just wants his kids to come home! (borrowed those last words from my "Rabbi" Mark Winslett.

COME ON HOME!!!!!