What do I do with This Day?

I did not aways think this way.

I never used to wonder how my day would play out when I woke up in the mornings. I knew. I had an order to my day, a schedule and a routine. For the most part, I always woke up with the promise of a God encounter and a great day. At least that is how I remember things. But you know, Merle Haggard recorded a song with these lyrics that I have never forgotten, he said: "I guess everything does change, except what we choose to recall." 

AH HA!! Do you see it? Maybe my glory days weren't as perfectly golden as I think they were...maybe I am just choosing to recall them that way. It doesn't really matter - except it does. Because the higher the bar on the wonderful memories, the harder it will be to ever reach the bar again. And WHAT exactly is the bar?

The "bar" my friend, is to wake up knowing that today I will encounter God and that He will show me WHAT I am supposed to do with this day.

Retirement can suck the life from us if we let it. That is to say, that if we once had a career, a job that we loved and excelled at, and our days were structured around that job....Well...when the job goes, all our structure falls away...we flounder...some actually take wind under their wings and SOAR, while other of us (yes, I am an "other") plummet to the ground and can't quite seem to get strength back in our legs to stand, let alone fly....and so very often when our eyes open in the morning we are sad, we feel alone, we feel disjointed, directionless, and we wonder "What do I do with this day?" I've talked before about how long I flopped around, how low I sunk, how deep my pit grew, etc., before I took back my life, so I won't recount all of that. Just suffice it to say that I DID take it back, and I DID reconcile with God, and I DO seek His face, and I AM aware that He still has a purpose for me...yet, I am am still at the place where I wake up like the last three lines of the previous paragraph!

What do we say then? What do we do when we have come so far and yet far hasn't been far enough? Life still looks like a disjointed jigsaw puzzle with not much rhyme nor reason to our day? What DO we do? What CAN we do?

This is moment where I'd love to shout and say "Whoopee!! God gave me the answer and NOW I'm gonna give it to you!!"

Except it isn't. Because He didn't, and I can't give what I haven't received. This is the moment where I'm trying to avoid any cliches like life being hard, and waiting on God...but it CAN be hard, and WAIT is all we can do sometimes....

But listen, here is the GOOD NEWS....He doesn't make us wait long. Not, if we breathe out that morning prayer that asks Him to direct our steps...not long at all.

This morning was a blank page for me, they mostly all are now that I am retired. So I asked Him before I stepped out of bed to show me what He wants me to do today and to direct my steps...and then I listened to Joseph Price a little, and then John Hagee a little, and then a little podcast on prayer...I looked up some blessings to pray over our children (with my great-grandson in mind)...some Messianic Jewish prayers...made some coffee and sat down to type....

"What do you want me to do today, God?" I asked again...what can I say to encourage someone when I don't even know how to encourage myself? (And I asked in in bold, italicized thoughts/words!!).....my phone rang....

Shortly I will be leaving to go and pick up the child I was praying for...this wasn't a planned visit...he isn't feeling well so he will come and spend the next week with me. 

Didn't God know I was concerned about him? Or maybe it was GOD who put the concern on my heart...preparing me for my day. And no, this isn't a major Moses assignment but it IS my God assignment for this day!

So now I know what I am going to do with this day.

Talk to Him! Talk to him in BOLD letters! I'm convinced He will talk back pretty quick!

Goodspeed!!!!

 Why Am I Here?

Once upon a time I was so very sure of my purpose in this world. I knew I was where God wanted me to be, and I was doing what He had called me to do.....

And then, in the blink of an eye, my world changed...years had passed...I was older...I was living in a different place...I was no longer employed by the ministry that was so fulfilling to me...I woke up as a senior citizen, retired, not married, no longer totally independent, and not working.

It was/is like time just stopped and I am frozen in a spot that I cannot seem to move from. Limbo...not quite belonging anywhere anymore.

I am 69 years young. I live with my youngest daughter...and sometimes with my oldest daughter...limbo.

Some days I feel so lost...like a particle floating that has nothing solid to attach to...no close friends who live near enough to visit...not a part of an active, thriving local church. How do I exist in this place? Have you ever been in this place?

Yet...God. He is in this place. At that sentence I release a long breath of relief. I could not live in limbo without Him. You see, He trained me well. My past job required that I immerse myself in scripture searching for answers for women struggling to break free of addiction and begin a new life. I wrote copious notes that I transcribed into computer documents....I created study guides specific to issues different ladies were dealing with....how to find peace...how to find joy...and HOW TO DEFINE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCE instead of letting your circumstance define you.

And I kept copies of everything I created and every hand-out I used in classes and every workbook we used. BECAUSE...addiction is no different from any unhealthy place we find ourselves in. No matter what brings us to a place of discontent and needing to change, the answer is always the same....God. 

And I don't mean that in the churchy, Sunday school way. I mean getting involved personally with the One who created us. Searching the scriptures for answers, and listening...yes listening, to hear the Still Small Voice...because when we LISTEN, God will speak...and when God speaks you will want to run to Him to hear more. And when you start running to God, everything that you wanted to leave behind just falls to the wayside like weeds dying out in the winter. The old life is DEAD, the new life is calling and it is full of encounters with Father - OUR Father.

So, as I sit here today and ask again "Why am I here?" "What is my purpose?" "How do I break free of this 'limbo'?".....I have just given myself the answer. It's the answer that I knew all along but had somehow forgotten...

The answer is to immerse myself in the Word, look for His voice, and most of all....BE STILL and listen for the Still Small Voice...and when He speaks (and He will), I will run to Him and He will (always has) propel me towards the Plan (there is still a plan for me)...He will stir up excitement and joy..and this limbo will fall away....and He will show me the next step. In the past, I learned that when I did this - small delights showed up - Father would give me something that I wanted and maybe had not even ASKED for...the desires of your heart start to appear and there are jewels along the path....

Age is just a number. I dislike that cliche BUT it is true. It IS just a number and guess who isn't counting? God....because God knows we are eternal (even if we forget - He doesn't) so this year in my life is no different to Him than any other...His plan for me and you hasn't changed.

I don't know how to wrap this up other than to say, I needed this today.

Godspeed!